TOP 10 TYPES THAT MAKE L.A. SUCK.

• 10: Rope Guys. Those guys standing at the clubs behind the ropes letting people in. They think they're God cause they hold the power to enter your precious, wonderful, not unique establishment. You sir, probably don't even have a G.E.D. You are a loser.
• 9: Bad Tippers. I once got a $5 tip on a $350 dollar tab. 'Nuff said.
• 8: Spray painters.  You badass gangbanger. You intimidator you. No one really knows what the hell your message is supposed to say. And whoever it is meant for is laughing at you cause your intimidating them with spray paint.
• 7. Infestation. Rogue cats, cockroaches, bed bugs, ants. I've seen them all. They affect your business, your buildings, your jobs, your bed. They are in everything and unavoidable. Its only a matter of time...
• 6. Bad Roommates.  There are some horror stories out here. Very hard to find someone your trust and can live with. 
• 5. Pan Handlers.  They come up to you anytime, anywhere, anyplace. They come in restaurants, bars, clubs, doesn't matter. They stalk you until you give them something. That nice dinner you were having with your girl? Ruined. Thanks pal, for helping set the mood.
• 4. Tourists.  Ya, sorry guys you made the list.  You slam on your breaks when you wanna see something.  You take pictures and stand in the way. Yes, I walked in front of you and ruined your picture, why, cause there was no where else to go and I'm not waiting for 15 minutes. You run out into the middle of the road just to get that GREAT shot of the Hollywood sign, when really up ahead is a safer place and a probably a better shot of it. 
• 3. Scene People. You got in the hottest club. You drive a mercedes (or so you say). Will Ferrell once stepped on your foot. You just did some unspecified drug off the bathroom floor. You have fake breasts, dyed blonde hair and a Gucci Purse. You have I.Q. of turnip and the personality of a garbage can. That Ferrari driving by is a rental, trust me.  You got a table and bottle service to look really cool. That bottle of Grey Goose you just spent $400 for? The club bought a case at Costco for $80. Way to go, cool kid.
• 2. Unreliable Support.  The people here, who come here, are out for themselves.  Every club, bar, corporation has backdoor dealings looking to screw you, so pay attention.  If you don't surround yourself with good friends, your journey here is twice as hard.  Family has your back, but listening to your mother beg you to come home doesn't exactly elude self-confidence. Your agent tells you "I can't get you out until you have more credits", well jackass, how am I supposed to get more credits when you won't get me out? No matter how good you work, how long you've been at your job, your boss doesn't care. Their boss is saying you're all replaceable and why aren't we making more money. People will stomp on you for their own cause.  
• 1. Traffic. Good God. The humanity. No blinkers. Swerving. Old pickup trucks stacked 50 ft. in the air being held by one strap. Dead stop on the highway at 1pm, why? Nope, no answer. Vegas at the right time: 4 hours...at the wrong time: 8 hours. The sun doesn't come out until 11am, why? The smog has to lift off.  Oh, I'll go the beach for some peace and quiet, uh huh, you and the rest of Southern California. 101, 405, 10, 5: These numbers will always make my teeth clench.